can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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