i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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