Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
