RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
