You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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