i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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