Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
