She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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