things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
