The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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