its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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