You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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