Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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