You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
