Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Who died my cat blue again?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
