Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
