I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
