I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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