don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
