they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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