He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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