he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
