You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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