im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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