Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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