And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
