belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
