Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
