It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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