Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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