You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
