Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
