omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf