ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.