I'm jealous of your bromance
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.