not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
