he thought i was a dude.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He did a backflip because drugs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
