you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
