I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
