Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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