I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Holy sore nipples Batman
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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