What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
