Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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