And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
