Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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