He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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