we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
