Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
