I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
