I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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