The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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