apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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