New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
