and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
