We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
