He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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