I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
