This is not my ceiling
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
