Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
